I triumphed over Day 1. It was a great day. I had to remind myself several times not to eat animal crackers or the kids' leftovers. I did it, though. I managed to begin the transformation process: redefining my relationship with food, recommitting to clean eating, reconnecting to the joy in life.
I realized this morning, the beginning of Day 2, that I already feel so much better. For the past few months, I have not been feeling right. I've been on edge and certainly not enjoying my days, and I haven't been sleeping well at all. This morning I woke up feeling ready to tackle the day. The kids woke up REALLY early and instead of being annoyed at their incessant bickering and clamoring for my attention, I smiled and thought, "Wow. I am so grateful." I remember mornings years ago when it was just Shannon and me. All we wanted was to add to our family. When it was clear that it wasn't going to happen the way we thought, I felt so sad, so lonely, and just longed for the busy mornings that I remember from my childhood at my house.
These are the memories I find again. When I am not busy obsessing over my food, my weight, or my unfortunate food choices these past few months, the happy memories come flooding back to me. I focus on the positive. Instead of being upset that my kids woke up too early, I see them for the beauty that they are--these amazing little creatures who came in to our lives and truly made our lives whole. If this is what 21 days of clean eating and detoxing will give me, I will gladly take it, and I will DEFINITELY continue the process.
Part of the reason I am keeping this blog is to remember the process, to remember the feelings of triumph, of doing the right and healthy thing for my family and for me. I want to enjoy these days with my kids and my husband, and it appears that the way to do that is through nutrition. Who woulda thunk it?
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